The End Is Nigh

No one is even going to guess?

I'll wager Jon is going to flush Fish [goats.com] for telling Megan.

It's your party.

But really, I don't think Howard deserves to die just yet.

Diablo hasn't lost his head in a while...

As long as you don't kill off the comics namesake, I'll be okay with it.

Afterall, what would a comic named Goats be without a goat?

In Response to unFalln (#8879):

A comic in memoriam of a goat.

In Response to Oedipa_Maas (#8876):

Goats deadpool?

Dibs on TV. He is, after all, the decimation of all men's souls and therefore the root of this whole angst-ridden affair.

Good riddance, TV. Since you killed Farscape, I have held no love of you in my heart.

Bastard.

It'll be a close friend/aquaintence of Phillip, probably. Since there was that whole Toothgnip prophecy when Toothy awoke from his coma. Unless fish fulfilled that, but I doubt that fish really counts as such a being.

I can't wait. But I'll be good and refrain from sending nasty emails when it happens.

Longest running characters?

Well, that rules out Spummy, Staropramen, Stan, Sporkles MacKenzie, Greta, and Jon's sense of ethics.

Could be Lori, but she's been (un)dead before. Ditto for Fish and Diablo. It could be Megan, which would be sad, and a little too predictable for this storyline.

It wouldn't be Jon or Philip... would it? Jon couldn't permanently kill off any of the mainliners (Jon, Philip, Toothgnip), could he? I figure, everyone else is up for contract renewal, so... it's all up in the air.

Personally, I think he hasn't even decided who's gonna die. Jon's just starting this thread to get an idea of who the Goats fans think he's gonna kill off, then he'll either fulfill our fantasies by finishing off the felonious foe or else dash our dreams by daring to deal death and dismemberment to the dastardly demon(ess) we dare not expect!

And if all the consonance and alliteration gives you a headache, my vote is for Jay.

In Response to Clan_Hanna (#8884):

Personally, I think he hasn't even decided who's gonna die.

Nah, the entire storyline is written out already, as are most (okay, half) of the scripts. I know who is going to die and how.

Jon will spend the night bathing in Bacardi 151 while wearing fishnet stockings, then rub his feet on the carpet until the static electricity sparks the alcohol. Now, the Screamin' Alpha hurls himself out the window in a deranged attempt to get Megan's attention and win her affections back. As luck would have it, the rain puts the fire out on the way down and Jerrell breaks Jon's fall. Jon miraculously survives and Jerrell... die, fornicate, 666.

Not to be a total buzz-kill, but I'm really worried. First off, the current series is tying up all the loose ends that have accumulated in the history of the strip. Next, Jon gives us warning that someone prominent is gonna buy it. Finally, he does so under the title "The End Is Nigh".

I think it's all over, people. I don't think we're even getting thrice-weekly strips anymore.

Tying up loose ends? That's just making peace with the world before ending it all.

In Response to acolin (#8887):

Wow.

Not to be a total buzz-kill...

Sorry to tell you, but you're a total buzz-kill. If anyone needs me, I'll be jumping off a bridge. Or at least knockin' one back for old Toothgnip.

Jon would be truly evil if he let star character Scott [goats.com] Horowitz [goats.com] meet an untimely demise. I think readership would plummet like a bungee jumper that didn't learn his knots.

I vote for Jon.

I spoke to a friend this past night, after glimpsing the news post, and I said "It is going to be Jon or Lauren, I bet. Then I reevaluated it and though, "Jon, Lori, or Tommy."

Then I decided it couldn't possibly be jon that died, which sealed it for me.

Look, it's easy. Order the long running characters:

Jon
Philip
(anonymous female and Thor don't make multiple appearances)
Toothgnip
Lori
Scott Horowitz
Ken Hauptman
(Mike O'Neal again does not count)
(more random joke characters)
Diablo

I choose to draw the line here, as we've got our big four in "diable the satanic chicken".

Of these, who is in the current storyline and needs to die? Lori! She's been killed off once before, but this time I think it'll be for real.

In Response to Dwindlehop (#8892):

Thanks for the list. Makes everything make more sense.

Can't be Jon or Phillip because Jon writes it and Phillip pays for it.
Thor is a god.
Ananymous females are replacable.
Toothgnip is the goat, so he is dead out.
Lori is dead already, so that would be redundant.
So it must be Scott Horowitz! There can be no doubt! I rest my case.

In Response to Dwindlehop (#8892):

I don't think it could be Lori because no one would care if she died again, and hence Jon wouldn't bother warning us about it.

In Response to Grimicus (#8895):

I hate to play devil's advocate (okay, I love it really), but I'm guessing that either Jon or Phillip are going to "buy da farm", as our Sicilian friends would say. Toothgnip can't die because he's the goat, for crying out loud, and Diablo is seemingly invincible. In fact, Phillip has always been the innocent of the cast (along with Fish), so to kill him off would be like strapping dynamite to a puppy, unthinkable and uncalled for. Therefore, I amend my initial statement: the person that Jon is going to kill off is Jon. Or Gretchen. Or Shazam Twix, who rushes in to save the day from Gregor Mendel's Lori clone (distinguishable from the real Lori only in the fact that she'd touch Jon with a barge-pole) and valiantly sacrifices himself to save Jon and the girl he loves. Good grief, what an unweily paragraph.

I am very carefully not speculating on whom I actually think will die.

If I did, and I were right, Jon would change his mind.

And Phillip doesn't pay for anything. Other than having befriended Jon. And that one time with the llama.

In Response to Lonely Goatherd (#8890):

Good point, Lonely Goatherd. Maybe Scott Baio and Willie Ames die in a horrify duo-pooping accident.

In Response to Schrodingers_swirl (#8896):

Perhaps some line breaks would have helped you wield it better.

My top three suspects and reasons (in no order):

Fish. Jon, angered at the betrayal to Megan, kills him. However, since Fish is a detective [goats.com] I can see Jon getting arrested and into a Crab City crossover.

Lori. From their first meeting [goats.com], Jon has had feelings for Lori only to be shot [goats.com] down [goats.com]. His loss of Megan causes Jon to lose it and he kills her. Plus, her zombie status means there may have been a death certificate. You can't get arrested for killing a 'dead' person.

Jon. Lori's constant taunting and the loss of Megan lead Jon to kill himself. Plus, Jon + Phillip are working together [goats.com] and Toothgnip predicted "Phillip will soon profit from the death of someone he knows well [goats.com]". More work = more money (at least in the comics).

I think it will be Jon, much to our loss.

Plus the artist is tired of drawing/inking the big hair after all these years.

In Response to Grimicus (#8899):

helped you wield it better.

He clearly said "unweily".

So obviously you meant "helped you weil it better."

In Response to deerboy (#8889):

Scott's not going anywhere. I'm not sure how many people caught it, but it seems that he's the Wandering Jew; he can't die, that's his curse. Plus, from A Canticle for Leibowitz, we know that he sticks around until the second or third apocalypse, at least. And if Jon does try to kill him off anyway, he's just copying off of Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude.